#MeToo: Reflections from a College Student

Harvey Weinstein; a man who used to be synonymous with Hollywood films, but who now carries the weight of sexual assault allegations after a tsunami of testimonies. From Kevin Spacey to Roy Moore, the past couple of months have been an explosion of sexual assault accusations. This isn’t about just one man and one woman. It’s about dozens of men and countless women across industries both near and far.

Marginalized voices – women and children especially – have been and continue to be vulnerable to abuses by powerful men.

Since The New York Times published an investigation into accusations against Harvey Weinstein, there has been a growing list of powerful men accused of sexual misconduct of all forms. As I scrolled through the list, I could not help but notice that every person on the list was male-presenting, white, and in positions of power.

The wave of testimonies is shocking in terms of sheer numbers – if this is how many people have made accusations, how many other painful abuses remain in the shadows? While all of the men on this list are primarily based in the United States, it would be foolish to think that this problem is a national one.

All around the world, powerful men take advantage of vulnerable people. It is a global phenomenon. And it terrifies me.

As an eighteen-year-old woman in college, I go to class everyday preparing to enter the ‘real’ world around me. I take classes about market economics and international politics and listen as people try to impart knowledge to me, but I cannot help but think that I am so wholly unprepared for this big, scary world. Part of me does not want to believe that sexual assault is so widespread. Every day I turn on the news to see another powerful man has abused his power, and I think about how scared and afraid and disgusted I would feel if I was ever faced with a situation like that.

We must not let fear get to us. We cannot stop fighting for our sisters and brothers who have experienced the pain and trauma of assault.  It is on all of us to be allies and to support the people around us. Gender-based violence is not just a women’s issue, it’s a people’s issue. We have to be role models and teachers for our children, to tell them and show them that abuse, violence and harassment are not okay.

In an interview with Vanessa Stair earlier this year about parenting in color, Vanessa talked with me about teaching her five-year-old daughter Peyton the important lesson of consent. She said that it can be as easy as “no, means no.” But that only works if all children are taught the same thing.

As well as teaching our children, we must also listen compassionately and learn from one another. We all carry biases, expectations, and opinions; by thinking about ourselves and engaging in challenging dialogues we can better understand the world.

This is not easy work. It takes time, energy, and an emotional toll to think about the misogyny, hate, and abuse around us. While we must continue to fight, we also much continue to take care of ourselves and those around us. A mentor of mine recently told me, “we must live in the needs of the present”. So we continue to fight to elevate the voices of women globally, work to eliminate gender gaps and discrimination, love to heal our pain, and hope for a better tomorrow.

Girls’ Globe is publishing opinions and ideas on tackling gender-based violence from our global network of bloggers and organizations during each of the 16 Days of Activism. We’re also crowdfunding to be able to continue to raise the voices of girls and young women in 2018 – voices like Grace’s. Donate today and help us to continue building a safer, more equal world. 

#MeToo: We’re all in this Together

For a long time, sexual harassment and assault have remained unspoken, well-kept secrets that women have felt ashamed of acknowledging.

A major shift has taken place this year, alongside the accusations against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein. A decade ago, I couldn’t have imagined that so many women around the world had experienced sexual coercion or intimidation. Now, I’d be surprised if I could find a single woman I know who hasn’t.

Earlier this month, actor Alyssa Milano took to Twitter and wrote:

Personal stories quickly began pouring in from women and men all across the world. The hashtag #MeToo has become a rallying cry against sexual assault and harassment. Before long, it had become about so much more than Harvey Weinstein.

I remember being subjected to harassment long before I even knew what harassment or assaults were. School-going boys. Middle-aged men. Married men. A policeman. That boy who considers himself a ‘feminist’. Colleagues. On the bus. Across the pavements. In a queue. At a temple. The touch that was made to look accidental. That ‘friendly’ squeeze. The head-to-toe stare that makes you feel uncomfortable. The offensive comment, the explicit remark. Cyber-bullying. The list goes on.

There’s a long history of victim-blaming in order to protect perpetrators of violence, and to legitimize and normalize sexual harassment and assaults. We are raised in a society that tells us girls get assaulted for a reason. Her skirt was too short, her smile too wide, her breath smelled of alcohol, she was out too late.

Society has long been trivializing sexual violence with dismissive phrases like “boys will be boys”. We have been defining masculinity as dominant and sexually aggressive and femininity as submissive and passive. We’ve spent our energy teaching women to avoid being raped, rather than on teaching men not to rape women.

I think the worst part of being harassed or assaulted is that it makes you forget to be kind to yourself. It makes you question your own existence and forget how to accept yourself. For me, it has taken years of ignorance, silence, self-blame, and internalization, as well as thousands of conversations with friends and family, to feel ‘worthy’ again.

Too many of us choose to suffer in silence because we are afraid speaking up will reduce our identity to being ‘just a victim’. But sharing your story does not make you a victim. Sharing your story, if it’s what you choose and what feels right for you, can be one the bravest things you will ever do. You are a survivor – setting the world on fire with the truth. And you never know who else will benefit from your light, your warmth and your raging courage.

The goal of #MeToo was to give people a sense of ‘the magnitude of the problem.’ The power of #MeToo is that it takes long-standing silence and transforms it into a movement. On one hand, it’s a bold, declarative statement: “I’m not ashamed of what I have been through.” On the other, it’s a reassurance from survivor to survivor: “I feel you and we are all in this together.”

There’s still a monumental amount of work to be done, but exposing the colossal scale of a problem we have kept swept under the rug and hidden in our darkest corners? That is revolutionary in its own right.